For the past several years I’ve been working hard at figuring myself out. I tend to be inquisitive anyway, but I’ve really wanted to know why I am the way I am. I recently heard about and then bought a book that came out recently. It is Dr. Keith Ablow’s book titled, "Living the Truth." All I can say is, "Oh my Gosh!" He asks these probing questions that lead you right to the core of whatever issues you may have. He directs you to find, "buried treasure," that protected pocket of pain that all through life you have protected and compensated for but never really knew it was there. Just this morning I had some major "aha" moments. I saw things about myself that tonight are crystal clear but yesterday I didn’t know existed. Almost all my earthly relationships have been affected by this wound. Many people have been hurt through the years, some discounted, some dissed, some allowed into my good graces but probably few have ever received unconditional love from me, all stemming from this area.
I’ve had a sense all day of freedom. A sense I’m a competent adult who doesn’t need to run from people with strong opinions, nor do they ever have to agree with me. I can give them respect and still disagree. I can even submit if they are over me and like them, though I disagree. Yesterday, I could not have done that! If you disagreed with me, I retreated like a child who was forced to obey and resented you! Today, I have a mind, I have a mouth, I can choose to use one without the other, or choose to use both. I can’t give you all the details here because it would cause hurt to others. This is my journey, I’m responsible for me. For the first time in my life I feel I can honestly love and respect people who disagree with me and even with people who let me down. When I was a child I acted like a child, but now I’m putting away childish things.
One of the most amazing things to me is how long I’ve been digging for the core of this issue under the wrong tree! I had assumptions the root of my emotional struggle was some where different than where I found it. Dr. Keith’s book got me to the right place to begin digging. I hope this makes sense!!