A Few More Thoughts On Losing A Loved One

Though I haven’t lived near my mom since 1979 when we left home to go to Bible College, I lost someone who has always been a very active part of my life. There were years before cell phones, mom would send us cassette tapes every week. She would sit at the table and talk to us (It was cheaper than a long distance phone call). We would talk to her and send them back. We would usually also have a long distance phone call on the weekends.

Mom and dad came to see us several times a year and would live in our home for several days at a time. This was one of the highlights for our kids growing up. Then we would load up a time or two a year and head to PA from wherever we have lived and stay at their house.

Since being in FL, I’ve talked to mom a minimum of three times a week and often more, nearly daily. We always clicked. We both are talkers and would talk about everything imaginable. I learned so much about our family, her growing up days, etc. through our talks. So, in losing her, I lost more than a mom I lost a close friend. She also was one of my biggest “Cheerleaders” in life. She always believed in me.

The Bible says simply our role in helping others who are grieving is, “Weep with those who weep.” Come along side and don’t try to make it better, just show your support and love. You and I really don’t know how anyone else feels unless you have had a very similar relationship and loss. In that case, Scripture says, “Comfort others with the same comfort you received from the Lord.”

In most cases our response to others loss should be to see what is needed and take care of the thing to lighten the load while the person with the loss is immobilized by grief. Or if you must say something, it should be, “I can’t imagine the depth of your loss, I’m sorry.”

In the rare case you have had a similar loss you may enter more fully into conversation with the person because your loss will resonate with their loss and they will perceive you understand. You will know to proceed because the person will engage with your conversation, rather than trying to get away from you!

The bottom line is death is an intrusion to life. There is no simple way to navigate through the loss. Death makes us uncomfortable. We don’t like to think about it and we don’t really know what to do when it comes knocking. Christians still experience great loss when they have a loved one go to be with the Lord, we just don’t grieve like those who have no hope of seeing a loved one again.

Hopefully these thoughts will be helpful to someone.

Blessings,

Scott

 

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About Scott Ranck

Enjoying life with my wife Gayle and our Yorkie, Zoe boy. I've come to believe life begins when through brokenness I can embrace it fully and openly. I've learned the human drama is an adventure and all of us are made of the same stuff. The Lord is the only being who knows me fully and he has an individual educational plan of life long learning for me and I'm enrolled. This blog is all about what I'm learning.
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7 Responses to A Few More Thoughts On Losing A Loved One

  1. Donna riffle says:

    Scott and Gayle,

    I am about to lose my dad. I am slowly watching him get sicker and sicker. He has emphasemia and the later stages from exposure to asbestos. This disease is litterly sufficating him. I understand the pain u r going through based on losing my grandmother almost 2 yrs ago and my beloved grandfather over 23 hrs ago. Each day gets a tiny bit better but sitting here today feeling the sadness in my heart for your families loss my throat swells with a lump and tears fall from my eyes. The pain of loss will always be there it just hides better and better as days go on. My love to you all and prayers are lifted.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I miss my dad lot’s! He taught me lot’s !!!!!!! Looking forward to the day I will see him! We went hunting together, picked 5 acres of corn [by hand] many times. I spent time with him in his garden [which he loved so much]. I was hunting with him when I shot at some ducks [flying overhead] and landed on my can. Also I missed my first rabbit [I shot at his tail, instead of his head] with him! We had fun together!

  3. Karin Melhuish says:

    These thoughts will be very helpful to you, it will be your therapy. It will be a way for the Lord to speak to you through experiences from your youth as you remember family times (good and bad). You will miss those phone calls with your biggest fan as I did when dad died and I couldn’t talk to him every Saturday morning. It’s a hard thing to go through, I’ve always said death is the hardest part of life to accept. You just have these people to love for a short time and then they’re gone in the blink of an eye. Grief will either drive you closer to the Lord or further away. When dad died it drove me to put my faith in the Lord and begin my journey with Him. You know that the rest of your family loves you but your life will never be the same without her and you will always remember. You can always call me, I’m a talker too, evenings and weekends. I love you like a brother.

    Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2013 10:32:58 +0000 To: kmelhuish25@hotmail.com

  4. Steve Clark says:

    Thanks for sharing with me. Your words are true, I lost my Dad a few years ago and still miss him. Pray for the lost they surely have a hard time when a loved one passes.

    -Steve Clark Clark Steel Fabricators, Inc. 336-595-WELD (9353) http://www.csfab.com/

    ________________________________

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