“Integrity” by Dr. Henry Cloud, Chapter 4

“Building Trust Through Connection” Is the title name of the single best chapter I have ever read in any book over the span of my life. Maybe it is the best to me because I fully identify with the content. I believe this chapter identifies where almost all marriage failure begins. I believe it identifies the heart of most interpersonal discontentment. I’m not going to rewrite the chapter here but I believe it would be worth the money if everyone bought the book and mastered chapter four.

The main concept is we connect with another person through their ability to hear us, understand us and emphathize with our realities.  When that happens, they trust us with their hearts. Dr. Cloud says the abilities to connect and trust are intertwined. If you gain someone’s trust, they give you their heart! This is not talking about in a romantic way but, it is talking about trusting someone with the contents, the deep fears, dreams of your heart.

When we share our experiences, our losses our thoughts with someone and they “yeah but” us, or explain away or discount what we shared the opposite happens. If we feel invalidated, we disconnect, we pull back, we don’t trust the other person. This is what happens when our kids try to express something to us and out of fear we give the parental lecture rather than trying to understand what they are sharing. They determine we are not trustworthy and go elsewhere with their hearts.

There is so much more in this chapter but I’m done for now. There are the keys to what it takes to be a person who can be trusted with the contents of another’s heart. I hope you will buy and master this chapter. The quality of your relationships and therefore the quality of your life may depend on it. That is a strong statement but I believe it is true.



About Scott Ranck

Enjoying life with my wife Gayle and our Yorkie, Zoe boy. I've come to believe life begins when through brokenness I can embrace it fully and openly. I've learned the human drama is an adventure and all of us are made of the same stuff. The Lord is the only being who knows me fully and he has an individual educational plan of life long learning for me and I'm enrolled. This blog is all about what I'm learning.
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