What are you doing over there? Why are you doing that over there? It would be better if you did what you do over there this way! Ever notice it is easier to wonder, worry and give direction to what is going on over there? It seems we are masters at attempting to manage what goes on over there (things that are not our responsibility) rather than what is going on right here (in my own life). Over the years counseling people I’ve had this common scenario. A husband is an addict and the wife is a saint. The guy is just hell to live with and everyone tells the wife she ought to leave the bum. But she sticks with him, takes the kids to church and gets alot of praise for what a saint she is. Then after years, something happens and the guy sees the light, feels the heat or something that turns him around. Everyone notices the guy is a marvel! It is as close a miracle as many have ever witnessed. Who would have ever thought such a life change could be made. Everyone is happy. . . except the wife. She begins to focus on any little flaw in him she can find. Everything he does is either too much, not enough, or just not good enough. What is going on? Before she could blame all her misery in life on him, what he was doing "over there." She was a saint or at least she could pretend. Now that he is not the problem and she is still miserable it is too hard for her to imagine she could be her own worst problem. So, she nitpicks and attempts to manage his life because that is still easier than looking in the mirror and working on herself. This pattern is not exclusive to a wife, I have just seen it this way more than the reverse. The bottom line is, if I am not happy, the responsibility lies 100% with me. I need to look hard in the mirror and do what it takes to figure out what is going on in me while at the same time releasing my desire to stay focused "over there." What is "over there" has little to do with what is happening "right here." Take care of the "right here" and the "over there" will take care of itself.

 

Scott