I asked Gayle to marry me in ninth grade, we were engaged at seventeen and married at nineteen. We agree with the statement, anyone married more than six months can find grounds for divorce. I’m going to share some of the most critical things we do as humans to sabotage our own marriages.
- We Believe Our Spouse Can Complete Us. Both partners need to do the hard work of developing joy and happiness within themselves. If you were unhappy as a single person, lonely and unfulfilled or chasing thrills so much you didn’t realize how miserable your were, you will be unhappy when married. Your personal contentment is your issue, not your partners. Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott have a quote that is powerful. Until you do the hard work to make yourself whole, every relationship becomes an attempt to complete yourself and is destined to fall dismally flat! Your satisfaction level in life will be yours and God’s to grow. Anything your spouse contributes will be icing on the cake. Do the work!
- One Or Both Partners Take Parenting Roles Rather Than Partner Roles. This often happens when faith comes into play. Most women are more relational and quicker to connect at a church and in their efforts to practice their faith. When hubby doesn’t share the same passion, the wife can turn into the mother mode. In any arena of life that happens by either partner it is terribly destructive. No adult wants to feel like they are being parented by a spouse. Accept your spouse as they are and trust God can do any changing that needs done! It’s not your job to fix your partner!! Work on being the best you can be!
- Take A Short Cut To Misery! It can be difficult if you are in some of the above traps, your partner isn’t measuring up nor are they willing to listen to you. They won’t go to counseling, they aren’t trying and no matter how hard you press, nothing helps. You become vulnerable at this point to taking the short cut that ultimately leads to more not less misery. Confiding your hurt to someone of the opposite sex at work, church the club, wherever has to potential to end your marriage. Someone who has never become whole through the hard work of maturity, who desperately needs someone else’s approval or affirmation, after being starved in a struggling marriage is like dry kindling wood and the attention from another attractive person is enough to actually make you lose your mind, yep, you go crazy. You are willing to sell yourself cheap because you’ve never felt like this before. Let me tell you, a train wreck is coming and a badly damaged life to follow! A better approach is to seek counseling by yourself. Work on you, let your partner alone! You are responsible for you. Your misery is your problem. Do what it takes to fix it, don’t blame it on your partner. They will never be enough to meet your needs, nor will the new person you’ve run to. Tap the unlimited reservoir!