Home. A word that can evoke plenty of emotion either good or bad. The Bible teaches when a person gets married they are to leave their father and mother and cleave or be glued to their spouse. I always taught leaving father and mother meant, financially, physically (move out) and emotionally.
Tuesday, 11/04/14 is the date set to close on, sell my childhood home. Pondering this as kind of the end of an era of my life. Dad died in 1989, Mom died in 2013 and now the home is going. In the light of all this and recently teaching on loss, I’ve come to see, I have never left home emotionally. The apron strings weren’t ever officially cut they just grew longer!
During holidays we either “went home,” or I went home in my mind. “I’ll be home for Christmas could always make me melancholy if we weren’t going to PA. I wonder now how much all this has kept me from being fully present and fully enjoying the homes we have made for our family. I am praying about and reading about what it looks like to leave home emotionally and how to do it. I’m ready and willing.
The pictures I’ve included are my granddaughter, Bella putting her hand in my hand print in the concrete sidewalk at 215 E. Central, my boyhood home. The one picture of me hugging my mom outside the home with Gayle at the side is symbolic of not leaving emotionally. The street sign represents the place I always thought of as home.
This situation may only resonate with those that had enjoyable childhoods with really strong emotional ties to parents and family. I will keep you posted on how to cut the ties when I figure it out.
I totally understand how you’re feeling Scott, at least as far as the family bonds go. The house I grew up in was a WWII rental project so the houses all looked the same. But I have great childhood memories; house just isn’t there anymore. Aft we left home, then Mom & Dad bought their forever home. So for 30 yrs, that house became the gathering place for us 3 kids and all the grand kids. I loved going over there for holidays/meals or just dropping by and lying down on Mom’s ‘King’ size bed to talk with her. Somehow when I went bk there, my burdens were a little lighter and I wasn’t so much the ‘adult’ anymore. This nxt thing I tell you may sound crazy but it’s true! My Mom died in ‘1998 and my Dad in ‘2000, and after they had passed I had this horrible feeling of abandonment; like I was an oprhan. It was a horrible feeling but it’s gotten better with time. But what hasn’t is missing my parents. I think I miss them more each day!!! And I believe that’s because of the strong and loving emotional bond I had with them. They gave all of their children unconditional love and support all of our lives. And to this day, I usually can’t speak of them without crying. Course I’m just a big emotional baby!!
OK, didn’t mean to write a letter; just a comment. But your post invoked all these memories of the past and I just had to share them with you.
I SO enjoy your honest and insightful posts Scott. Just one of the reasons I miss you! But I know God has placed you and Gayle where he needs you to be 🙂
Love and miss you,
Thanks for the comment Breezy! Yes you do understand!