I’m convinced the Lord has allowed me to be a late bloomer, very inquisitive and a talker for a reason! Everything I learn I teach to others, who are eager to learn. In my last post and in my message last night at church, I commented on developing my own value system. How could someone get to be my age and not have their own value system? Well, I’ve had values but for the most part they weren’t really mine internally. See, I grew up with a pretty strong mom and I wanted to please her and gain her affirmation. To please her meant I needed to know what she valued. I carried that same mindset into our young marriage at age 19. I tried to learn what was important to Gayle and tried not to upset her. You know the slogan, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” In our early life at age 21 we became involved in a super legalistic church that had rules on how you could wear your hair, your clothes, what you could, should and ought to do in almost every area of life. I wanted to be accepted so I followed their value system. Wherever I went in life in an effort to fit in, I lived their value system, at least while I was in their presence. My biggest personal value was, “Try not to give anyone a reason to be upset with me or reject me.” I was much like Julia Roberts in the Runaway Bride. She always ordered for breakfast whatever eggs her current boyfriend ordered. After running from several altars, there is this scene where Julia has all kinds of eggs spread across the kitchen while she samples them all trying to see which one SHE really liked best.
Well, I’m trying the eggs. A couple of months ago, I began praying and thinking and developing MY own value system based on what I really value, how I want to live my life before the Lord and what will be my own real, internal guiding principles. At this point, though I’m trying to take other people and organizations into consideration, for the most part it can’t be about them. I’m realizing this is why peer pressure holds such power on kids. All their values are external, someone else’s idea of what they should be like. Those values have no power when the holder of the values is not present.
My new internal compass doesn’t need anyone else I know around for it steer me. My compass shouldn’t be, “What will happen if my wife, pastor or friends find out about this!” My compass is, will this activity violate my values system? There is a massive difference between the two!