I’ve written here previously about my sense of disconnection and loneliness. I’ve been reading a book this week titled The Addictive Personality by Craig Nakken. His premise is we are born disconnected and since very few of us had extremely healthy families we continue to sense that disconnection. That is not a pleasant place to be emotionally so we look for ways to connect. The author suggests, in that pain of disconnection we move for relief to either relationships with God and others or we move toward “objects.” I kind of got a mental picture of a big pipe coming from God to me that can fill me with a sense of belonging, love, joy, peace and other good things. As I connect deeply with Him, there is a pipe that goes from me to others that allows those good things to flow through me to bless others. But, when I am lonely and empty and run to the objects, which could be virtually anything I pursue that I think can fill me up, instead of blessing flowing out of the pipe from me, the pipe becomes a suction device. I use objects, even people, even God as objects in a feeble attempt to somehow deaden the pain of disconnection and fill me up. One path brings a life of fullness and giving. The other a life of emptiness and taking. In a perfect world, we would all be regularly filling from the Divine Well and blessing would flow from us to each other and we’d be full and satisfied and would attempt to “out bless” each other. We would be engaged in life, connected to God and others and full of life. When I move to objects, I’m always disappointed, tend to withdrawal, become depressed, more lonely and don’t really care about blessing anyone. When I use God as an object, like the lucky rabbit’s foot and He doesn’t jump through my hoops, I’m most hopeless at that point.

A good test of where I am spiritually and emotionally is to honestly evaluate which way the “flow” is traveling in the pipeline! If I sense I’m attempting to fill some void and the flow is coming to me it is time to do some soul-searching.

My takeaway from all this is to make my filling time with God an essential part of life. When I do sense a drift, rather than withdrawing and running to some object, like too much TV, one too many beverages, or isolation I can choose to move toward the vital relationships in my life and open up, connect and engage.

I had an awareness this week that all the objects including God, church ministry, people being used, work, alcohol, sex, food whatever can be things I am using in an attempt to fill me when I’m empty (can never work) or when I am full, I can enjoy those things as a gift and something to enjoy.

I’m not sure all that made sense to you but it really helped me unravel some things!



About Scott Ranck

Enjoying life with my wife Gayle and our Yorkie, Zoe boy. I've come to believe life begins when through brokenness I can embrace it fully and openly. I've learned the human drama is an adventure and all of us are made of the same stuff. The Lord is the only being who knows me fully and he has an individual educational plan of life long learning for me and I'm enrolled. This blog is all about what I'm learning.
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1 Response to Disconnected/Lonely?

  1. Eric says:

    Awesome insight Scott. I can totally relate to this message. Thanks!

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