I just finished reading a great book by Dr. Henry Cloud titled, Necessary Endings. Dr. Cloud talked about how the more we have invested ourselves into something the more the need to grieve when it ends. I have been grieving the loss of the ministry at Believers for seven years. It helped me to see that though I failed in some regards I had also invested myself deeply in the lives of the families as well as the overall success of the church. The loss has been a hard pill to swallow.
This past week I met a person who shared a story of tragedy with me. A sibling brutally murdered their mother and brother. How do you handle that kind of loss? Today I wake up to the ten year anniversary of 9/11. So many people’s lives were forever changed that day. Incomprehensible losses were experienced in one day; lives that would never be the same. Then as a result, all our military families who gave their sons and daughters, moms and dads to right the wrong, more losses to grieve!
Once we get to middle age there is no one unscathed by loss. I am slowly learning that grieving and growing from loss is imperative to launch the next leg of the journey. Without healthy grieving, mourning, venting, and acknowledging the deep losses we remain tethered to them and cannot live in the present.
Do what ever you need to do! Scream, cry, curse, feel your loss deeply. Share it with a trusted friend or counselor. Then surrender the loss experience to the Lord. Know significant loss will leave a mark, a scar and a different person than before. Loss can never be comforted by trite sayings, “All things work together for good,” or “You know God has a plan.” Grieving people need to grieve and have others acknowledge the significance of the loss not patronize with cliches’. I don’t understand your loss and how it has impacted you but I do have some of my own to process.
For most people, all I can do is listen, empathize, attempt to validate what they sense and pray. Loss is hard no matter how you slice it.