REALfitness by Scott

May 12, 2007 will forever hold a special place in my life. On that date, Jessica Osborn became Jessica O. Ranck! Our first born son, Timothy, married well! Our families had an awesome weekend of festivities and near perfect weather for both a beach rehearsal and beach wedding on Fort Story in Virginia Beach. Only a week before, Tim graduated from Old Dominion University. Jessica graduated from the same school in December. The new couple will reside in Newport News, VA.

 

Gayle and I could not be happier for Tim and Jessi. They are a great couple and have a really great friendship/relationship to build on. The Lord has blessed them with a much greater start than we had when we married thirty four years ago. Gayle and I have really enjoyed getting to know Dave and Lisa Osborn, Jennifer, Becca and Neven as well as the extended Osborn family. We had a great time with them after the couple left for their Outer Banks honeymoon. There were many great stories shared at that party I had never heard before about both Tim & Jessi.

 

I am probably a little partial but the whole weekend was one of the best wedding events I’ve ever attended and I’ve done many weddings over my eighteen years as a pastor. I got a call from a family friend today who expressed the same feeling. The friend said, it was one of the most enjoyable, stress free weddings he had ever attended. He said the love and support of friends and family could be felt.

 

May the Lord bless this marriage with His joy and peace for the rest of their lives together! Pray for Tim & Jessi as they take a group of teens to Mexico the end of June on a mission trip as well.

 

We love you both with all we have!!!!! We love our new family!!!!!!!

Our family has been blessed with some colorful personalities! My mom has her place among that group. She is third to the youngest in a family with 8 siblings, yet she has been the one who has kept that family together over the years. She has a gift of leadership/organization that has made her a prominent figure throughout our lives. She organized family picnics at every major holiday for as long as I could remember. They were always great times of family togetherness. I have many great memories of backyard picnics. She has had her own income tax business since high school. At its peak she had over 800 clients and today she has it down to around 190! She has been president or leader of virtually every volunteer organization from PTA to Class Reunions. She was involved with so many things it is hard to keep up with her. Even at 80 years of age she still snow skis, (check out the pictures) she square dances, she is on a committee to plan their class reunions from high school and she takes meals (to the old people) through the Meals On Wheels program! She has seen much sorrow in life. She had her only sister and a brother killed by a drunk driver, she has buried two husbands, and all her immediate childhood family except for her youngest brother, Bob. Yet she remains optimistic about life. She had a dramatic conversion to Jesus Christ in her 30’s and she will be quick to tell you about reading "Peace With God" by Billy Graham and what happenend to her as a result. She has traveled extensively in her life time. Mom has always been one of my biggest cheerleaders in life. I’m blessed to have her in my corner!

 

Happy Birthday Mom! I hope you have at least 20 more!

 

love,

 

Scott

Gayle and I just celebrated our 34th wedding anniversary on January 20th, 2007. We spent some time thinking back over the years and actually had some people ask us to what we attributed our longevity in marriage. My first statement was "a lot of forgiveness." Gayle spelled out, "P-R-A-Y-E-R." Then I added in the biggest key I know. "I need to work on becoming the best husband I can while not trying to fix Gayle. She needs to work on being the best wife she can become while not working on me." Gayle and I married at the ripe old age of 19! We had gotten engaged at 17!! We met in the 9th grade and I actually asked her to marry me way back then! For both of us our first date is a strong memory. After looking at each other in school for years, we both left our homes and walked halfway to meet and go to a high school pep ralley/bon fire. We met in the middle, on the busiest street in town. Gayle had on a white fuzzy coat with her long blonde hair cascading down over it. We just kind of stood there. I had my hands on her waist and she her arms around my neck and we just looked at each other for the longest time. Neither of us could believe we were finally together. There was some snow flurries falling and it was a perfect moment. In some ways, I wish I could go back to that moment and take all the years of wisdom with me. I’d would treat her more like she deserves from the beginning. We dated off and on all through school but I never imagined ever being married to anyone else. I always knew when the dust settled Gayle would be the girl for me to settle down and have a family with. Our journey has not been without many bumps and bruises but somehow with the Lord’s help at 53 years of age and all our history behind us, Gayle and I love and enjoy each other more now than ever. I personally attribute much of our happiness as a couple to Gayle’s willingness to support and encourage and forgive me when needed. We just spent an awesome weekend celebrating our anniversary here in Florida, why go anywhere else? We enjoyed some long walks, great meals, beautiful scenes and a day at the beach (82 degrees!). It was an awesome time together, check out some of our pictures just added to this site. Thank the Lord for delighting in us! For all He has taught us over the years and for allowing us to be content with our lives together!

 

Scott

In my never ending quest for truth, justice and the Christian way I keep learning some great stuff. I’ve recently been pondering why at times I feel emotionally distant from people I love. In getting ready for Thanksgiving with both local family members and some from other states that chose Florida to celebrate (smart family!), one of my daughters said to my wife, "I hope dad hangs out with us and does stuff with us instead of being in the house watching TV or messing on the computer." Ouch! I’ve seen lately, that I tend to withhold myself emotionally sometimes from people who are really important to me.

 

I’ve found that for me it usually involves living "fragmented." That is, I’m living right now in the present, but my mind runs to the past and gets either nostalgic about "better times," or remembers past things that have caused regrets. Or my mind may run to the future and wonder what may be around the next bend in life. Either going past or looking ahead requires a fragmented mind where I am not able to be fully present now. It could be just looking forward to what I’m going to do next instead of fully enjoying what I am doing now.

 

One of the keys to being able to enjoy healthy interchange with the people I’m with is to be with the people I’m with!! I need to cut off the desire to go back or the temptation to run ahead and consciously choose to fully focus on and engage with the people I am with right now. Geesh, I better quit typing on here and go enjoy my wife, mother-in-law, son and future daughter-in-law who have gathered here for this holiday together!!!

 

Hope you can be fully present through this holiday season with those you are with.

 

Scott

I’m reading Daniel Goleman’s latest book, Social Intelligence. In it Goleman rehearses some classic thinking about relationships. He describes the "I-It" relationship where one person is virtually an object there to meet the needs of the other. Their feelings, value, etc. is not ever really considered, just what they have to offer to meet the needs of someone else.

 

I remember being taught in college that I could "use ministry to build people or use people to build ministry." Goleman has turned my lights on to understand what that phrase really means. In an "I-You," relationship both people have value, feelings, thoughts and both are important to each other as we relate. In "I-It" relationships only one person matters, the other basically has only one purpose, to meet the other’s need or want.

 

When ministries or should I say when ego driven pastors, use people to fill seats, fill coffers and inflate egos they really are no different than what is taking place in the "P*" industry. Only one person matters and all others are mere objects to be used in self-gratification.

 

When it is all said and done, many pastors will answer to the Lord for using people more than loving people. Many will answer for building a ministry using up and spitting out people rather than giving of themselves fully to engage with and build up the lives of others. Why am I so sure of this. Because, I for one have been guilty!

 

*The "P" industry is used because My Space will not let you publish the word referenced here. It is an industry that uses female bodies.

Recently I read a great book titled, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero. I’ve been practicing getting quiet and then writing about feelings that are buried within. Many things have bubbled up. I’ve had some people to forgive and some feelings of not being valued. I’ve come to see how important it is to be heard. Not agreed with, not argued with but simply heard. Having someone hear you out and validate what you feel is good therapy. My wife, Gayle has become such a great listener.

 

As I’ve allowed some of the bottled up feelings to be released it is like a cloud has lifted. I’ve noticed several things happening inside lately. One of which is a much deeper compassion and empathy for others who are hurting. I wrote below about the homeless, but recently I’ve had a couple opportunities to come in pretty direct contact with two different homeless young ladies. Neither seemed to be drug users they just had no where to go. It moved me deeply. I found myself wanting to help, to give some money so at least they could "have some daily bread." Something to eat today seemed like a pressing need.

 

I’ve been on quite a spiritual journey, peeling the onion of my life, layer by layer. The end goal I know is to be like Jesus, to have love for all people, and to come to full maturity in the Lord. Though I’ve been traveling this road for 31 years, I feel like I’ve just begun!

 

Scott

Five years ago I said a prayer, "Lord if I ever have to move, let it be to Florida, I could be happy there!" Two years ago Gayle and I moved to Florida, but the job I got was really long hours and I had little time to enjoy Florida. I said, if only I had a job that had some flexibility, weekends off and allowed me to be home at our lovely place, then I’d be happy. Well, amazingly, I got a job that set me up with a home office, the opportunity for great flexibility, just alittle travel, and decent pay. But, money was still pretty tight. We were meeting our budget but it was pretty close to the edge. I said, wow, we live in Florida, I have a great job, but I think I could be happier with just alittle extra money. For the first time in our married life Gayle picked up a couple "home type" jobs that brought in some income, I started having some commissions come in and things began to loosen up financially. I’m a teacher and I said the only thing missing now is an outlet for me to do some teaching. Next thing you know I’m hired part-time by our church to lead the men’s ministry and I have a weekly outlet to share what I’m learning plus another income stream!

 

Last night walking with my wife I was sharing my discontent. I feel disconnected. We are in a new place with no really good friends, I said, I think I’d be happier if we could move back where we came from! This morning on my run, the Lord showed me He has given me everything I ask for and I’m still not bubbling over with happiness in life! I think He thought He would save me the hassle of moving by letting me see this pattern, because even if I moved back to where we came from, I WOULD STILL BE THERE!! I asked, could it be something inside of me, driving this restlessness and lack of enjoyment with life? Okay, I know the problem is within me, now I need to wrestle with what that problem is and how to change it. In recovery they say moving, changing jobs, and changing spouses isn’t going to fix your issues, because every where you go, there you are! I guess the biggest move I need to make right now is deeper inside.

 

Scott 

Recently I heard a pastor say to his church, "carry an extra bag lunch with you and when you see one of those homeless guys along the road, give it to him." It sounded more noble than what I generally have thought when I see those guys. My gut reaction has been, "I’d like to give them an application to work."

 

Last night while riding in my Jeep with no doors or windows I got stopped at a traffic light right next to one of these homeless people. I gave him a couple bucks and he said, "God bless you." Well, I must say, I have been blessed. I have a beautiful family and home in Florida, swimming pool, spa, lanai, health, job I love and two vehicles all paid for.

 

I’ve thought off and on all day today about my two buck investment, I wonder what it was used for? My guess is not rent, probably not even food. So, did my two bucks really help anything? If all of us gave every homeless person we passed a couple bucks would it change anything?

 

I’ve been thinking about this problem. I know there are some real desperate homeless people out there who hate being that way. I’m sure there are some who look at people like me and think we are all suckers, my guess is they often laugh about us over a bottle at night. "That fool works all day and I don’t do anything but sit there with my bucket!"

 

I’d like to see the church, maybe my church offer some real significant help. Why not build a dormitory, offer vocational training, drug and alcohol rehab and develop a network of employers who will hire our people once cleaned up and trained? Now, that would be some real help. The bag lunch or two bucks that is really probably more so I can feel like I’m doing something, when in reality I’ve done nothing but enable.

 

Scott